Hugs, God, and divine utter dependence

Who but me can manage to cut themselves bowling but me? It takes a special person to cut their thumb at the Diversey Bowl. I don't even know how it happened but it happened the first bowl I rolled. I obviously have this thing about getting cut up, first my palm at the bakery now my thumb at the bowling alley.

I think I've just been a bundle of accidents this past week. Monday my back started to hurt and evolved into massive pain Tuesday and some of Wednesday. It felt awkward bowling but not that bad. And now this cut. Cuts are fine and normal but I feel so weird wearing a band aid at work, I feel like everyone is looking at the band aid and thinking it's so disgusting because I might come in contact with their food.

Speaking of food....I went and met with an admissions councilor at The Art Institute about their baking certificate program. It's a year program and would cost around 17,000 give/take a little...although more like give. It sounds great and I could do it taking one class a quarter and finish in two years, but I would be really stressed. So even though I would love to complete it by the time I'm out of college it's just not probable. I want to keep it in mind for once I graduate DePaul, but it's just not for now.

I'm back at square one. I don't really want to do anything with what I'm getting a degree in, I don't have the experience to get hired at a place like Red Hen as a baker and even though I love SMB's....it's getting too dramatic. What with people threatening me they are going to quit and this new girl who kind of took my position.....I'm just restless.

And the Czech. Oh this is a touchy subject. I want to go back to the Czech...it's going to cost a fortune to get there this summer and I don't know what God wants for me. I have been praying about it but not as diligently as I need to be. I just don't know. There is still the idea of going there for two years-ish after I graduate to work for Fishnet. But I don't know if I should go this summer to keep in contact or if I can still work with them even if I don't make it back this summer. It's an even summer (2008) so that means I'm due back, but clearly that is not going to be my final push. I just don't know.

But the good news is I've gotten connected with The Well, a faith-based group on campus. That is who I went bowling with this evening. It's just a great group of people and I really enjoy it. I didn't have any idea that once I stepped outside of my apartment I would be able to make so many friends that really care about me. It's an odd feeling....and sad to realize what I've been missing since I moved into this apartment and all that's come with it.

I called my friend Jim when I got home because I felt lonely, which is so odd because I just got home from hanging out with a bunch of people. I tried to explain it to him, but there were others present and I couldn't. But I went into my room, which is my sanctuary in this house, yet it feels like my prison, and just felt utterly alone. So I called Jim and felt somewhat better, but still I can't shake the feeling.

For some reason Chris Rice always calms me down. I think it's because he's all I would listen to when I was younger. When I didn't have roommates. Didn't have stress-related backaches. Didn't have divorce-like separation of assets conversations hanging over my head. Didn't care that I didn't have anyone to hug me on a regular basis.

I think everyone needs to be touched. Hugs are especially vital. I used to make Matt hug me, but that obviously doesn't happen anymore. I would make Levi hug me too, but he has a show and won't be back at work til February. I made Pat hug me on Tuesday and afterwards he said he was just glad I didn't cry this time....I had forgotten that the last time he hugged me I burst into tears. I just like to be hugged. Like a big old grandpa-bear hug.


This is my cure. Along with prayer and God. Hugs, God, and divine utter dependence. That's all you really need.