I'm worried about my bunny. He hasn't jumped out of his cage in a while and I think he's peeing a little bit more than normal. Errrr, it's super aggravating. He's acting normal, so I think I'm overreacting.

I had a wonderful popcorn party! Two girls from the Well came over last night and we made kettle corn and salty popcorn and some cookies and had grapefruit and tangerine Italian soda and watched Funny Face. I had to be careful to not sing through the whole movie. :)) It was super last minute because my roommates were out of town and so I figured considering I don't feel comfortable having people over when my roommates are home (let's not even start with how sad and messed up that situation is), why not throw a party when they aren't!! It was great for being last minute. I only wish I could do it more often. It felt so wonderful to actually sit on the couch!

And now reality sets back in as my roommates return. It had to end sometime.

If only this weather would stay nice...and not when I'm sick so I can go out for a few runs. I'm confident that I'll be fine for the Shamrock Shuffle because I at least have been going to my Spin class. Melissa and I are going to find sometime this week to go to Crunch class and get in some hardcore ab work outs done.

But in the meantime, the countdown to May 31 is 125 days...or approximately four months. It doesn't seem that bad? I mean I've already made it through one month of utter crap, and seven of some good times and some really bad news. It's really going to come sooner than I think....I hope.

Praise: Safe trips from FL and IN
Prayer: That I get over this silly cold!

Go number two for the 6:15am Spin class. I am not nearly as sore as last time, though I will admit because Paula was not there it was not as difficult. She had a sub, who was good...and I got a great workout, but just wasn't Paula.

I just love how I couldn't wait to get out of high school. I even left the country right after graduation and it was the best thing for me. I just wanted out. Out of the drama, immaturity, and cussing. Life really can move in circles can't it.

I'm a special one, there was a blog specifically devoted to me! All about how I'm incapable of seeing past certain situations...the whole cold-hearted notion. Haha, too bad I'm on my way to apathy at this point.

But besides all the sarcasm, I really am pushing myself. I didn't know I could be so socially busy...yet also leaving time for school and work. It's a beautiful thing to not be held down by others.

I started this blog and deleted my last one (I'm still sad I had to change the name and all, it was too cute....Wondrous accounts of Cupcakes and Class) because I wanted to be able to freely write my feelings without the possibilities of knowingly hurting others...specifically my roommates. It occurred to me a few weeks ago when I first started this blog that my roommates could possibly have found this site. I pray they haven't because my whole reasoning behind this was to not hurt them in the process of expressing myself. But because I started this without their knowledge I am just going to assume and hope they never find it. And if they do, I apologize if they are hurt but know that was not my intention.

All in all, clearly I need someone to live with next year. I have a few people in mind, one very specifically with whom I've already discussed the possibilities with her current roomie....I'm just praying God provides me with who He thinks is the best. Although I would love to live with the specific person. There are others that I am getting to know through the Well, but I just have to wait and see.

In closing, as my friend Courtney would say "In life God doesn't give you the people you want, instead he gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and to make you exactly the way you should be."

I've definitely been in the "to hurt you" stage. But it's all for the best. :))

Hugs, God, and divine utter dependence

Who but me can manage to cut themselves bowling but me? It takes a special person to cut their thumb at the Diversey Bowl. I don't even know how it happened but it happened the first bowl I rolled. I obviously have this thing about getting cut up, first my palm at the bakery now my thumb at the bowling alley.

I think I've just been a bundle of accidents this past week. Monday my back started to hurt and evolved into massive pain Tuesday and some of Wednesday. It felt awkward bowling but not that bad. And now this cut. Cuts are fine and normal but I feel so weird wearing a band aid at work, I feel like everyone is looking at the band aid and thinking it's so disgusting because I might come in contact with their food.

Speaking of food....I went and met with an admissions councilor at The Art Institute about their baking certificate program. It's a year program and would cost around 17,000 give/take a little...although more like give. It sounds great and I could do it taking one class a quarter and finish in two years, but I would be really stressed. So even though I would love to complete it by the time I'm out of college it's just not probable. I want to keep it in mind for once I graduate DePaul, but it's just not for now.

I'm back at square one. I don't really want to do anything with what I'm getting a degree in, I don't have the experience to get hired at a place like Red Hen as a baker and even though I love SMB's....it's getting too dramatic. What with people threatening me they are going to quit and this new girl who kind of took my position.....I'm just restless.

And the Czech. Oh this is a touchy subject. I want to go back to the Czech...it's going to cost a fortune to get there this summer and I don't know what God wants for me. I have been praying about it but not as diligently as I need to be. I just don't know. There is still the idea of going there for two years-ish after I graduate to work for Fishnet. But I don't know if I should go this summer to keep in contact or if I can still work with them even if I don't make it back this summer. It's an even summer (2008) so that means I'm due back, but clearly that is not going to be my final push. I just don't know.

But the good news is I've gotten connected with The Well, a faith-based group on campus. That is who I went bowling with this evening. It's just a great group of people and I really enjoy it. I didn't have any idea that once I stepped outside of my apartment I would be able to make so many friends that really care about me. It's an odd feeling....and sad to realize what I've been missing since I moved into this apartment and all that's come with it.

I called my friend Jim when I got home because I felt lonely, which is so odd because I just got home from hanging out with a bunch of people. I tried to explain it to him, but there were others present and I couldn't. But I went into my room, which is my sanctuary in this house, yet it feels like my prison, and just felt utterly alone. So I called Jim and felt somewhat better, but still I can't shake the feeling.

For some reason Chris Rice always calms me down. I think it's because he's all I would listen to when I was younger. When I didn't have roommates. Didn't have stress-related backaches. Didn't have divorce-like separation of assets conversations hanging over my head. Didn't care that I didn't have anyone to hug me on a regular basis.

I think everyone needs to be touched. Hugs are especially vital. I used to make Matt hug me, but that obviously doesn't happen anymore. I would make Levi hug me too, but he has a show and won't be back at work til February. I made Pat hug me on Tuesday and afterwards he said he was just glad I didn't cry this time....I had forgotten that the last time he hugged me I burst into tears. I just like to be hugged. Like a big old grandpa-bear hug.


This is my cure. Along with prayer and God. Hugs, God, and divine utter dependence. That's all you really need.

I went to Spin-60 Wednesday morning. Wow. I know the instructor from the good old days of opening at the Ray. Her name is Paula and she is just wonderful. She's taught me, as she phrased it "fake it till you make it." Except she doesn't mean to be fake and live an illusion. No, she means that a lot of the time life sucks (I will personally agree at the present moment) but you have the choice to take what you have and make the most of it. Anyway, she's great and she teaches the Wednesday Spin class from 6:15am to 7:15am and she's intense. I was able to do the whole thing but I slowed considerably towards the end. I think I am going to make it a regular thing. I'm super sore though.

Over the course of the past couple days, Tuesday evening being the climax, my life has deteriorated. Now deteriorated is a very strong word and does not exactly capture the essence of what's happened but for the sake of poetics, we'll overlook that detail.

(Ugh, tangent....I keep finding course dark hairs on my head, it's all downhill from here.)

Now, facebook is a rather silly thing. But we all take it seriously, except for those things that ought not to be taken seriously, ie marriage statuses between friends, poke wars, etc. Point being, when someone de-friends you, it's a big deal, especially when you live with cet de-friender.

Lesson learned: become a nun....just kidding I felt the need for some comic relief, it was getting too stuffy in here.

Real lesson learned: prayer is my lifeline, fellowship is my pair of crutches, the Word is my conductor...and God can't be a metaphor. He's something I can't describe but everything I know to be true. Every emotion I can't describe. Every tear I've cried. Every tear I'm crying. Every reason why I am the little ball of bubbles when I'm happy and every reason why I am the soaked shirt sleeve at the movies.

And I don't deserve an ounce of it. And I realize I am a letdown. A broken letdown who would be nothing were it not for Christ's sacrifice. And that's what I have to walk away with.

But that's better than nothing and better than what most have to live for. So that translates to: I'll keep going to Spin, I'm going to stay involved at The Well, and I need to keep grasping hold of the indescribable.

Lysergic acid diethlamide

Oh the joys of reminiscing. I just got off the phone with an old friend of mine, Jim. I haven't seen or talked to him since last winter break and we spent an hour (which is a huge amount of time for me) talking on the phone about randoms, like his dog Virtue, and how he is a chef and how we are going to make bread together when he comes to visit. His call made me think of Spring Break and what I want to do with mine. It only made me think about break because he lives in Colorado and it would be amazing to go there for break. It'd be cold still there but still, it's gorgeous.

Sour Patch kids are so yummy but they make my teeth hurt. They were a part of the goodie bags from the shower.

Did you know LSD also known as acid is one of the cheapest drugs available? I did. But only after I was putting off my homework and decided to research it. Lysergic acid diethlamide...LSD. Supposedly there are no known side effects other than heightened blood pressure, heart rate increase and uterine contractions. Scary. It's only about ten dollars a hit and the trip lasts 6 to 12 hours. The majority of people who have bad trips have them because they are not in a secure environment (like a party) and the illusions become too much to handle. But if you are in a safe and calm environment and are aware of the possible effects of acid then most users have those psychedelic, colorful trips most people know about.

The above picture is a form of LSD that is ingested. The blotter paper is soaked and dried in LSD and then usually decorated and then distributed.

It's all so interesting in a very 60's druggie way.


:))

So much to do.

This weekend was very eventful and wonderful because of it. I'm convinced I'm much happier than, say a month ago. I've made a distinct effort to occupy myself and it's paid off. This weekend I visited the Chicago Diner with old friends, bought a sexy (clearanced) little black dress, went to a baby shower at the Hopleaf in Andersonville, and walked home from cet bar in Andersonville. Very eventful!

Hopleaf is a great bar/restaurant. The head baker at SMB's set up a baby shower for our manager Lisa at Hopleaf. It was buffet style with wonderful sandwiches and muscles and salad and fries and of course....cake! I ended up having a great time and learning a lot about the people I work with, especially the new girls that work there. I had a ton of wonderful conversations, like why Johanna decided to major in Geography, and how much the bill was and who was going to pay it. Liz ended charging $800 to her credit card, with the sincere hope that Cindy was going to pay her back. I assume Cindy is, if not we all have told Liz we will donate to the cause. I met Gale Gand, she seems normal I guess. She thought she recognized me from somewhere, that made me laugh.

I also made a bumbling idiot of myself at the Gap. I was doing a little shopping with a thirty dollar limit (a visa gift card) and found myself in the Gap trying on a little black dress. I wanted to look at myself in a bigger mirror outside and felt slightly naked and silly seeing as I was covered in frosting and grease stains and my orange work bandanna. But the man who was working the fitting rooms was lovely and I had to ask him if the dress came in a 6 in the gray color. He said he would look and at that time I'd decided I needed to buy the dress because I'd sweated through it in the presence of this darling man with green eyes. Needless to say I bought the dress and feel as though I need to frequent the Gap/stalk this man. :))

I woke up fairly easily this morning for my 9:40 class and am going to make myself stay awake till my 3:30 class. I need to make myself get back on a normal sleep schedule. I've become slightly more habituated to Alfie at night, he'll wake me up every once in a while but I fall right back asleep.

Time to do some homework for tomorrow!

Second Day of Class

I get to go to the Chicago Diner tonight! I've only heard about it and some old friends from home are coming into the city and that's where they want to eat. I guess it's all vegetarian/vegan dishes. I have no idea when they are coming in but I know it's in the afternoon.

My second day of class was normal. I only have one class on Friday. It's my sophomore seminar: multicultural literature, 9:40 to 10:40 am. I like morning classes. The prof is very energetic and dramatic. I'm excited.

Sadly, this was also the second night in a row where I got next to no sleep. For some reason I am not capable of falling asleep or staying asleep for more than half an hour. So after my one class today I came back and showered and ate my leftover pad thai and slept. Except I couldn't even really sleep then either. I had a diet coke at dinner last night (at 6:30) so maybe that was too much caffeine too late at night? I don't know, I just know that if I can't fall asleep tonight I'm going to be screwed at work tomorrow.

I moved the bunny into my room yesterday, but I actually did ask Matthew if it was alright before I did. He said alright so Alfie now lives with me. I will admit he also kept me up because he seems to be nocturnal. But it was my intent to work out in some capacity this morning and visit my friend Jen at the Ray; however, I figured if I was to make it through the day I best stay in bed and at least try to sleep.

I got a paycheck! I guess Cindy wanted to get us back on schedule with the pay period and so now I am super happy because I'll have money to pay for the amazon order I placed yesterday.

I got a little too excited and bought a movie for my film noir class that I have to watch in two weeks. But it doesn't exist on Netflix and he said it was super super hard to find so I found it on amazon for 12 dollars and decided to just get it and not stress about it anymore. But in order to get the Amazon Super Saving Shipping deal I had to spend a total of 30 dollars so I just went ahead and got two other Over the Rhine Cd's that I've been wanting. So this just means I don't get to randomly spend money outside of rent/utilities/school/food for a while. But the paycheck will at least get me ahead.

Well I think it's time for me to crawl out of bed and get some homework done before I have to leave. Au revoir!

Bonjour my friends to my second blog.

Take two, picking up right where I left off at Cupcakes and Class. A wise decision that twas. I am listening to The Trumpet Child by Over the Rhine, and it is wonderful. My bunny is all moved in to my room, equipped with a rug so he can come out of his cage and play. He is also out of the way of all electrical cords.

Today was the first day of class here at DPU. I've always thought class should never go the whole allotted time the first day. However, my two English classes today went the whole hour and a half. It's alright though because I liked both an awful lot. My film noir class is going to be awesome. And despite it's topic my Literary Research and Writing class doesn't seem to be too intense. Our final for the class is only a research proposal, which will be a good deal of work, but no paper!

I'm waiting for a phone call from a friend to go out for dinner. I'm hoping she agrees to go to Noodles in the Pod because I've been wanting Pad Thai for a long long time now.

Lizzy got a blog too! This means she and I can know what is going on in each others lives again. That makes it seem as though we never talk.

I'm a very busy girl I must say. I have plans for almost every evening for the next couple of days. Which I assume for any normal person would be, well normal. But as for me, it's not. And I'm excited! I have to keep in mind I have homework though. I think after I get back from dinner I'll get started on some so I wont have much for over the weekend.

Time to change into normal clothes so Emily doesn't think I'm a bum. :))


I think I am going to like this blog. Who doesn't like bread and bunnies anyway!